A new look at values, behaviours and meaning.

Over the course of the last twenty years or so, a new form of cognitive behavioural therapy has been developed, called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is based on enhancing human well-being by encouraging people not to struggle with aversive thoughts, urges and feelings, to identify values and act according to them, to practise mindfulness, and to identify and reject programming that takes us away from what we want our lives to be about. 

ACT (pronounced as one word, not separate letters) has quite a lot of overlap with Buddhist philosophy, and is well worth investigating for anyone interested in personal development, and particularly anyone who experiences depression, anxiety, burnout or a sense of meaninglessness. Those who would like to find out more about ACT might find The Happiness Trap a very good introduction. Another excellent self-help book based on ACT is "Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life." (Psychologists and psychotherapists would probably enjoy getting their teeth into the main ACT textbook: "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: the Process and Practice of Mindful Change.")

All kinds of negative consequences can arise as a result of people living their lives in accordance with their programming, instead of doing so in accordance with their values. One of the most pervasive verbal rules that ACT targets is the maxim, "I must avoid my painful feelings." This is a very widely followed rule, and seems to have developed as a result of taking rules that work well in the external world, and applying them to the psychological world, where they work far less well. 

When my TV breaks, I can try to repair it, or I can send it away for repair, or I can buy another one. This is problem-solving in the external world. However, if I feel anxious, and I have the belief "I must avoid my painful feelings," then I will try to do with my anxiety what I did with the broken TV set. Perhaps I will bombard it with analysis, keep replaying the situations in my mind that I think are causing the anxiety (maybe a past event, or a future worry), or just try to push the anxiety away psychologically. Unlike the happy outcome with the TV set, the result will be an escalation of the anxiety, as struggling with it will not remove it, and I will then have an added layer of anxiety to worry about: anxiety about not being able to remove anxiety. The key is to be willing to experience the anxiety, and to pursue things of value, taking the anxiety along for the ride. If a willingness to experience the anxiety is developed, it will abate in its own time.

Alternatively, I might decide to drink alcohol in order to reduce my levels of anxiety, or to take tranquillisers, and as a result develop an alcohol or tranquilliser addiction. Or I might distract myself from my anxiety by being aggressive towards other people. These are all further behaviours in accordance with the maxim, "I must avoid my painful feelings," and behaviours that similarly lead to negative outcomes that are usually very inconsistent with people's deepest values.

These are examples of where the verbal rule "I must avoid my painful feelings" results in a negative outcome. Another example of a negative outcome happens where we can only get to what we value as a result of experiencing emotional discomfort on the journey, but our habit of avoiding emotional pain blocks our path.

I teach children who are on the autistic spectrum. People with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) can be particularly prone to being caught up in struggles against painful thoughts and feelings, which derail efforts to identify and pursue their values. With my students, I use a metaphor from ACT called "The Emotional Swamp", where their values are symbolised by mountains, but in order to reach the mountains, they have to cross a dirty swamp. The metaphor is designed to encourage a willingness to experience short-term discomfort in the service of pursuing longer-term valued objectives. Without a willingness to go through the emotional swamp, life can sometimes grind to a halt. 

The maxim of being willing to experience short-term discomfort in order to bring about longer-term happiness for ourselves does not even completely define the phenomenon of pursuing values in the face of emotional pain. Sometimes what we value is greater emotional well-being for someone else, or for society as a whole, or for a future society of which we may no longer be part. Some people are willing to experience quite significant emotional hardship and sacrifices for the sake of an ideal. Human beings may not be very good at getting rid of our own emotional discomfort by acting on it directly, but we can always take our emotional discomfort with us on our journey towards a meaningful life.

One area where emotional pain can visit easily, and where it can be very tempting not to act according to one's values, is the domain of expressing opinions and campaigning for important causes in the public square. Particularly for people who are sensitive to other people's aggressive criticism, and to feelings of embarrassment, rejection or humiliation, it can be very tempting to go with the flow, and to allow attitudes and opinions that contradict one's values to go without challenge. While it is never a good thing to take up a battle whenever a values-inconsistent opinion is expressed by someone, it nonetheless might be very significant if one never does.

Such a habit entrenches the maxim "I must avoid my painful feelings," which can do wider psychological harm, as well as reinforcing a barrier to living a meaningful life, and undermining one's self-respect. Every small step in the direction of one's values, taken in the face of potential social opposition and the resulting emotional discomfort, is a step towards liberation from unhelpful psychological programming and towards living a more vital, meaningful and empowered life. When social anxiety, and the fear of censure for expressing an unpopular view, come to dictate the course of one's life, much can be lost in terms of human and social potential.

© Gary Powell, 2013